Oh la la

This weekend my husband took our girls down to Southern Cal to visit his parents. This left me with…well, with myself for a full three days. A working mom doesn’t often have time to clear her head, but that’s what I did this weekend. (I also did about 8 hours of grading papers, but no one wants to hear about that.) I spent a lot of time contemplating. I contemplated about how I would be a better wife, what I needed to make me a better wife (more alone time). And then, because I had ample time to watch the news, I pondered what would happen in Wisconsin and then what would happen in Egypt. Finally, after all that, “head clearing” I had a memory. I must have been thinking about teenage girls, self-confidence and identity because I found myself asking the question, “Was there anyone whom I dated (at a high school age) that made me break the (my parents) rules?” And wham my memory flashes back: It was the summer between my junior and senior year in high school. I was on Put-in-Bay under that tree near Perry’s Monument making out with "Mike," a sophomore in college, at 11pm at night. I knew in my head he wanted us to miss that last ferry ride back to the mainland; he was pretty suave, but I wouldn’t have it. Back to my alone time, and I’m thinking, what happened to “Mike?” So, I first searched on Facebook – it’s not hard to find someone if you know the college the person attended -- in 2 seconds there was a picture of Mike. Then I Googled. Then there was video of him speaking! He’s a congressman! Watching him talk made all these memories just funnel back into my head. I have a high EQ and I can literally remember a conversation we had on that date. I Googled some more. Wow! But those details aren’t really the point of my blog today.

As an adult whose fairly new to social networking and even the Internet. (I often forget I can get anything there; for example, a Snooki wig for Halloween). Having someone’s image and then voice pop up on a living room computer is mind-boggling. But that’s not really the point of this either. The point is, how does one digest all that information? And, what do you do with that information? Contact the person? No. Nothing, unless there’s a point to contacting and there isn’t. But the important part is… what was I thinking?! Why didn’t I date this guy longer???!!! No, just kidding. The important part is, it helps reaffirm where I fit in this world and that things have happened for a reason and somewhat according to a plan. Would I have made a good congressman’s wife? No. I am much too honest. I remember it was Mother’s Day weekend and I was home from college. Mike was in town and he wanted to take me out. I kept politely declining, “No, we’re having a family dinner, No this, No that.” Finally, I said, “Mike, stop asking. Stop calling me.” So no, I would have not made a good congressman’s wife – they would have had to put me through all kinds of “be polite” and “this-is-how-you-answer-a-political-question”-etiquette classes. Plus he never would have moved to California.

My college boyfriend? Well, he’s now a chef at a top restaurant in Chicago. I Googled him a while back too. Creeper, I know. He took some searching, but I really wanted to find out if he even graduated college – that part I didn’t find out. Another boy I dated is an acquisition and merger lawyer. Probably lives in a big house in warm Menlo Atherton. And another one is a lawyer, who worked in a governor’s office, but he got himself into a bit of trouble. It wouldn’t have worked out with him anyway, because his mother’s comment was, “You’re dating a Yank?” Would I have wanted to be a lawyer’s wife? They work too many hours and I probably wouldn’t be able to teach. I’d be a pent-up angry-stay-at-home mom. My point is that we all spent our twenties searching, wondering what would happen, how would we all end up? And now, we’re getting some of those answers, not by running into a person, like I thought I would, but by the Internet.

Does it make me regret? Nope. Not one bit. The only thing I wish is what Rod Stewart says in the song, “Oh la la.” He sings, “I wish I knew what I know now when I was younger.” In your twenties, it’s so difficult if not impossible to see the whole picture. That’s what is so great about getting older. Clarity. It’s a gift: I am here right where I am supposed to be: my heart is in San Francisco, my two beautiful daughters are with their awesome dad on their way home right now. I always wanted to teach English. I am here, making a go of it. Just trying to be the best teacher, co-worker, friend, mom, wife, and person I can be. Knowing where everyone else is just helps keep me grounded.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=--HaFAtC17U